A. N. Wilson and the Silver Spoon

I’m making a sweeping generalisation in my suggestion that the Daily Mail’s favourite spiller of bile and guts is a a Tory-supporting little tosser born into money. I’m very much aware of this.

I’d like to think I’ve at least been raised the right way by my (Tory-supporting) parents. Like the average run-of-the-mill newsy-type with zero actual news or sports to report on these days, I’m Circumstantially Prejudiced.

I work for a company run by a Muslim who came here with nothing and worked his possibly huge swinging bollocks off to become a university lecturer and millionaire.  To me, he’s Big Boss.  Until he really pisses me off, and then he’s “The Immigrant”.

I once asked one of the Executive Directors, ‘So, given as how the company’s 74% “other”, what do I do if a tender’s put out with the contracting authority being the BNP?’  He looked mildly amused, then suggested I arrange a site visit for BB with one of the 24% in “yessum” mode. Just for kicks, obviously.

Everyone’s a little bit prejudiced in some way. I, for example, can’t stand Women Drivers. I think they’re abysmal. Can’t park for shit. Allegedly they make better pilots. Science says so. I’m happy to go with that. After all, you don’t really need to parallel park a plane. If you can’t speak Polish or Chinese, I’m sorry but it has no real formation and is just plain gobbledygook. The colleague here representing China has tried to teach me Chinese. It’s not happening. My pronunciation is crap, and I can’t hack it, therefore opt instead to accuse him of making it all up. Does he take it the wrong way? No – in fact, he’s pretty much sending his Chinese students my way so that I can help them grasp the English language the way it’s written and spoken in England since the Chinese-English loses various things in translation.

I don’t judge on appearance, either. Granted, I tend to think that the much-raved-about Hilary Mantel looks like a cross between a Spitting Image puppet and a china doll, and yes, she sometimes sprouts a bit of tosh, but I don’t know the woman. She may be the sweetest woman I could ever hope to meet, and just because I don’t agree with her opinion, that doesn’t mean it can’t hold water.

Having read some articles by the Daily Mail’s one and only (thank God) A.N. Wilson, however, who seems to hold Mantel in the highest unhealthy regard, it occurs to me that here is a bitter, twisted little soul who will be forever alone and never miserable with his narrow-minded thought pattern. Of course, perhaps he’s actually managed to find a woman who would marry him on purpose and his wife is cut from the same loaf and thinks his opinions are on par with the theory of relativity. Then again, maybe she’s locked in a room with barred windows and a suitcase she’s now forced to live out of.

I shouldn’t do this, I shouldn’t be thinking like this, but yet I read his so-called work (which is just basically “Who do I hate today?” if he’s not busy claiming all people without a job are scroungers) and come to the conclusion he’s a privately educated Oxbridge graduate whose parents had more money than sense.

At this point I should feel guilty, what with being privately educated myself. And, of course, with someone I could be considered as somewhat close to also having been privately educated with more Oxford-gained PhDs than you could shake a Wilson at.

Take this article, for example, which basically says, “Yay Hilary, how wonderful you are!” How the torrid Tudors saved the sanity of the genius who makes history sexier than Fifty Shades Of Grey

Then we have this, which can be summarised as, “Shut up, Sandi Toksvig, Hilary already expressed an original opinion on Kate.” Spiteful, unfunny, …why I find Toxic Toksvig such a bore

Until yesterday, that was pretty much his year. The man is paid to worship Mantel and slate others.

Then came this little number: Michael Philpott is a perfect parable for our age: His story shows the pervasiveness of evil born out of welfare dependency

Oh, how my blood was boiling. To summarise this little piece of Mr Wilson’s pea-sized contribution to society, the trial over two scum-of-the-earth parents who killed their children “lifted the lid on the bleak and often grotesque world of the welfare benefit scroungers — of whom there are not dozens, not hundreds, but tens of thousands in our country.

I hate to point out the obvious, Chuckles, but as much as you have a point in there being a few ingrates who do generally want to milk the government of other people’s hard-earned cash, there are many, many more who don’t.

As I mentioned in a previous entry, I possibly have the highest number of job applications known to mankind. In one seven-month period of joblessness, I managed to put out well over 3,000. I was applying for anything and everything on the grounds that I wanted to get a frickin’ job!!! What I got was three job interviews – one of which was a scam – one rejection (at least, I presume I was rejected, the company forgot to tell me) and one job which makes Hell look like a golden, sunny day in a field of happy, friendly puppies.

It’s true that there are jobs out there, and it’s also true that some people don’t want to work, but sometimes the government cocks up. Example: whilst processing other people’s credit card applications, I was amazed that in my full-time job paying me a net weekly wage of £150.00, people with “unemployed” as a job title who listed “benefits” as their company name were on anywhere from £14,000 to £20,000.

Some people lie about disability, entitling them to money. Most of these disability claims are genuine. Some people are unemployed. Most want a damn job and can’t get it! And here’s this putrid, sadistic little fart (yes, it has come to name-calling, but read his work and think of the properties of a really good ripper, et voilà!) saying that welfare benefit scroungers are going to kill their children to claim money.

This story is a tragedy, lad. An actual tragedy. A man who should have been castrated at birth was allowed to breed, and the government, the very people who are supposed to police this situation, apparently failed in all areas but justice. Social Services never looked into things. They had enough reason for it after the stint on Jeremy Kyle! And granted, although having a criminal record doesn’t make a man a bad father, such consistencies do.

Some ageing tosser who feels he needs to constantly pop sprogs is the actual point of the story, and saying a man who went AWOL from the army to attempt to kill his girlfriend never attempted to find a job… Let’s be fair here. That question that generally turns up on applications about convictions? ’78 is a few years back now, but I wouldn’t hire that man.

This article has managed to live up to Cunard proportions, where classes don’t mix.

“Two years ago, the BBC showed a six-part documentary called The Scheme (which is the Scottish word for a housing estate). It was about benefit junkies living on a ‘scheme’ in North Kilmarnock and was deplored by some as ‘poverty porn’, satisfying viewers’ vicarious interest in the lives of the poor.

“But the people living on the scheme are not poor by the standards of those living in the slums of Mumbai, let alone struggling for survival in famine-stricken north-east Africa.”

Yes, well done on your keen observation that Third World poverty is more extreme than ours. Maybe our view of life would change if we had to stroll miles for water, too, but we don’t.

Without benefits, there would be even more houses standing empty and people on the streets. Is that really the country we want?

No, I don’t agree with the fact that in areas around the country some people would rather be jobless and earn money selling drugs. Yes, it grates on my nerves that perfectly healthy and intelligent people won’t work because the government pays more than the average minimum wage job. I tried to see this article as an attack on one person. I failed. I then tried to see it as an attack on the scroungers. Again, I failed. What I see here is an attack on welfare.

My only impression of this fool is that he doesn’t have a clue about what lurks over the other side of the fence. The more I read, the more I believed private school, Oxford/Cambridge graduate, comes from money. And that, admittedly, was the wrong approach.

I try to read as many papers as I can so that I can get some reality on what’s going on in the world. As we’re all aware, one man’s freedom fighter is another man’s terrorist. When a fight breaks out at a football match, what makes the news: the majority of people who went to watch a game, or the incredibly small minority who set a fire and threw a few things at the police?

Journalism is about making people aware, but it occasionally misses the point.

I finally decided to check the man out. For the first time ever, I am judging someone on how he looks.

Frightening, isn’t it…

If I look hard enough, I actually see a relative of the Royal Family. Look at that hairline. The empty glass eyes, the slight twist of his lip as he wonders what university the photographer went to.

Read the entry on Wikipedia that I just found. Go ahead.

Done it yet?

Although I managed to call the education correctly, that’s not to say his parents didn’t work their fingers to the bone to put him through that education like my parents did for my brother and I. I think I managed to call the marriage bit though – again, not so sure. After all, he allowed her to escape instead of locking her in a room. But what really strikes me about this man is what a woman he is. Destined to become a man of the cloth, claiming he’s an Atheist, then Hallelujah, y’all, he gone found tha Lord again!

I find it mildly entertaining that a man who can’t help but vomit up opinions weaved into what he seems to portray as facts finished on silence:

“Do you think that Philpott would have done this crime if he had worked regularly for the past 20 years and provided for those six children out of  his own pocket? 

It is a difficult matter to prove, but I know what I think.”


Oh, don’t stop there, Willy, please tell us what you think! You’ve done a great job of it so far!

It’s pretty sad, though, that someone who sprouts this much shit and turns back to Christianity just can’t handle being a good Christian. Love thy brother and all that jazz.

Still, I’m sure his sense of self-worth will allow him to chuckle through the angry letters from the majority of people he’s insulted without just cause. Good job, too, because it’d be a shame to lose such astoundingly worldly pieces!

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